2015, or, Why I Went Missing

Facebook offered me my 2015 year in review. I immediately felt nervous.

2015 has been the hardest year of our lives (Jason and I reached a consensus on that). It brought me beautiful things: my Lulu, and my incredible coworkers. Also, Jason lost his job. We lost all our savings. My pre-natal and post-natal depression came back with a vengeance. We sold my stupid, beloved Mini. Our teeny baby was so sick. At 8 months she still wears 0-3 month clothes, and doesn't sleep the night through (or even 4 hours at a time). We haven't slept in 8 months. We feel thin.

I don't know why I'm posting these harsh realities. Except, maybe someone else needs to know they aren't alone in hardship. In this post called the Brutally Honest Christmas Card, written from a place of "radical vulnerability," DL Mayfield writes this about her even awfuller year than ours:

" But perhaps the most significant thing is that Jesus is no longer an abstract person, a walking theology, a list of do's and don'ts to me. This is the year I recognized him as my battered, bruised brother, and I see how he never once left my side."

When she has the courage to say, "We don't have the energy to pretend we're ok, because we aren't really," I feel like she's telling my truth.

We can say Luisa Jane has a beautiful, freely given smile. We can say Valentine loves big, and thinks big, and plays big. We can say Alphie faithfully nuzzles mama's hand every time I cry. We can say our house is warm -- still missing the kitchen cabinet doors -- but cozy. I can say the work I'm doing is the most meaningful of my life. I can say that all the suffering has made me think, love, and believe in new ways. I can say that every once in a while, through the fog of stress and sleeplessness, I look over and see my Jason in all the beauty that is him, clearly, dearly, lovingly, and I know my partner in this life is the best. 

Even if I can't say I'm ok, these are good things to hold onto.

I wish you a connected new year - one in which you know who you belong to, and you feel the people who belong to you weeping when you weep, and rejoicing when you rejoice.

Motherhood

Thanks to Melissa Kircher for this rendering of my words. See her writing and other works here.

Valentine's Sandals

Valentine weighed in at 4 lb. 9 oz at birth. Full term. Soaking wet. We discovered it runs in the Burmese side of the family. Needless to say, she may be 7 1/2 months old, but her clothes are still 3-6 mo. And she still wears newborn shoes.

It's a real pill to spend $15 on shoes made of fabric, that she'll maybe wear for a few more minutes. So, in the interest of making something unique and well-fitted for Easter, I took matters in my own hands (and a few other assorted tools).

Tada! (These cost me nothing, because I had everything on hand. But at best, you're out the cost of a whole bag of scrap stiff leather from Hobby Lobby, which is maybe $6 after the coupon, and obvs = more projects.)

Wanna learn how? You need 1-2 hours of time, and the instructions after the jump.

Which Came First: Easter Bunny or Egg?

I like tiny things. And challenges. But not follow thru. That makes this project one of the best and the worst, simultaneously. Our church is doing a community Easter egg hunt, and I wanted to have something sweeter than candy in some of ours... so...

hello there

Tutorial follows:

Tortoise & Hare

Hello all. Obligatory "it's been so long," and "I always mean to..." etc. Now let's make something. Specifically, this something:

Oklahoma Baby

I finally figured out what to do with this project, just in time to have my baby. It turned into this:

I love how hip state craft projects are right now. My daughter's name represents her two vastly different heritages: Valentine Dausae. Valentine for her red-dirt Okie roots (after Great-Grandma Valentine), and Dausae after her Karen great-great-grandma and great-great-great-grandpa (the Karen are an ethnic minority from Burma/Myanmar).

This is how I did it.

When Pigs Fly: A Babied Up Christmas

Every year since moving into this home, I've made a new set of ornaments. The first year our lack of dollars inspired me. Since, the feeling of something homespun and unique brings me back to the tradition. Now, as the momma of a 3 month old, I wanted the ornaments to represent this new special place in life.

Bueller?... Bueller?...

Turns out, in my now expert opinion, that first trimesters suck. Oh. Did I not mention I'm pregnant? Well, that last post, all that looonnng time ago was obviously related to that fact. I just pooped out before I got to the official reveal.

This is very much desired. It played out like this: 9 months of trying. Crying as each month passed. In the ninth month, convincing my husband on a Friday that I would start calling specialists on Monday. Waking up that Saturday, determining to take a pregnancy test because I was going out with friends that night, and wine was definitely on the menu. Glancing away for 3 seconds and coming back to a clearly positive pregnancy test. A week later, my husband left for Burma, to meet family he's never met, and see the places that filled the stories of his childhood. Between the morning sickness, and the missing him, crafting and blogging lost all significance. My usual hours spent viewing crafts every week have been freed up. But thru most of the 1st trimester, if I wasn't working, I was sleeping anyway.

Now, I'm 16 weeks, and I feel great almost all the time. I'm excited, and energetic, and experiencing sparks of creativity. And ever so slightly beginning to show!

My first DIY project for the nursery is a massive frame that will become, uh, something? You can see the steps that brought me here. I bought said frame from the Hope Center's thrift store for about $5. The paint is from Home Depot, purchased in the $3 sample jars.

No way I was sanding this thing, so I primered the heck out of it. I take that back. I kinda just put on a layer and a half of primer.

See how ugly and dark it was? Just wait!

I taped off the center space to do the trim. Definitely needed two layers for this part because of all the divots and grooves.

Tada! No longer dark and gloomy and baby-inappropriate!

The green is Home Decorators Collection "Zesty Apple" (HDC-MD-15).

The blue is Glidden "Sea Spray" (GLB19).

That blue in the center (that is still drying, because I didn't want to miss the setting sunlight) is the color our nursery walls will be. Which brings me to my last conundrum. What design shall I paint in the middle? I'm leaning toward something red... Suggestions welcome!