Influence

I’m aware this notion is informed by the privileges I experience. And, it changes me. Relinquishing the illusion of control wrecks me. When I face futility I lose hope. But, clinging to the illusion of control also wrecks me. It makes me a participant in futility. I scramble and rant and posture and exhaust myself.

I release that to melt into my influence - to breathe influence out into my sphere. Gentle. Non-demanding. Is what is what is. I can’t force change, but by the very nature of being in a circumstance it is changed. Circuitous knowledge.

Daughters will grow - wild, not controlled - influenced by my person and love. World will riot - my neighbor will know my compassion. Patients will die - grace will have walked with them. Mysteries will abound - my curiosity and perseverance will tease and untangle and sometimes fail.

I will fail. I will bully reality and humans grasping at control, or pouting over its elusiveness. And I will breathe in - I am not in control - breathe out - I am in influence - and lean again.