It turns out there isn’t definitive evidence having a child with special needs increases divorce rates. Some studies lean yes, some no. Coulda knocked me over with a feather.
Jason and I have it good. And we have it human. And we have it hard.
We slip into not seeing each other. Parenting is a baton we throw in the other’s general direction as we gasp for space to stop feeling the weight of it all.
Both of us scramble to make life work, and in the absence of a friend beside us, spin off into exhaustion and loneliness.
I get busy in hardship. He retreats to a type of wishful thinking. Each pattern takes us farther from each other, though neither is useless for keeping the family moving and in hope.
My friendship with him is just as important to my identity and joy in life as our parenting. I don’t want to just be a functioning human in our responsibilities. I want to be HIS human.
If you’re partnered up in this parenting journey, particularly with a special needs child: good news - looks like you’re as likely as the next couple to make your partnership work. For us, it takes the humility to groan in need, and weep in grief, and listen openly, and express sorrow for inactions and actions that hurt.
You’re not alone - in parenting, in losing track of your loved one. I hope you find them again and again.
#raredisease #chronicillness #tubie #specialneeds #parenting
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